The Full List of Shame

Twain. A famous doubter although like Ben Jonson, you should always make sure you have understood him before calling in his support, especially where maths or history are concerned. “In the space of one hundred and seventy-six years the Lower Mississippi has shortened itself two hundred and forty-two miles. That is an average of a trifle over one mile and a third per year. Therefore, any calm person, who is not blind or idiotic, can see that in the Old Oolitic Silurian Period, just a million years ago next November, the Lower Mississippi River was upwards of one million three hundred thousand miles long, and stuck out over the Gulf of Mexico like a fishing-rod. And by the same token any person can see that seven hundred and forty-two years from now the Lower Mississippi will be only a mile and three-quarters long, and Cairo and New Orleans will have joined their streets together”.

The full unaudited list. If your candidate isn’t here, let us know and we’ll add them.

No.	Candidate Name	Category / Note
1	Alexander, William (1st Earl of Stirling)	Aristocratic poet
2	Andrewes, Lancelot	Bishop of Winchester; translation style
3	Anson, William	Obscure legal theorist
4	Bacon, Anthony	Brother of Francis; intelligence agent
5	Bacon, Sir Francis	Major Candidate; philosopher & statesman
6	Bacon, Sir Nicholas	Father of Francis
7	Barnard, Lady (Elizabeth Hall)	Shakespeare’s granddaughter
8	Barnes, Barnabe	Poet and rival
9	Barnfield, Richard	Poet; close associate
10	Basse, William	Poet
11	Batman	Fictional (Neil Gaiman’s The Sandman)
12	Blount, Sir Charles (Lord Mountjoy)	Soldier and patron
13	Bodley, Sir Thomas	Diplomat and scholar
14	Burbage, Richard	Lead actor of the King’s Men
15	Burton, Robert	Author of The Anatomy of Melancholy
16	Butts, Sir William	Physician
17	Campion, Edmund	Jesuit martyr; hidden Catholic theory
18	Cecil, Robert (1st Earl of Salisbury)	Powerful statesman; “Polonius” figure
19	Cecil, William (Lord Burghley)	Queen Elizabeth’s chief advisor
20	Cervantes, Miguel de	Spanish author; contemporary genius
21	Chettle, Henry	Playwright and printer
22	Coke, Sir Edward	Jurist and lawyer
23	Coton, Pierre	French Jesuit
24	Cotton, Sir Robert	Antiquarian
25	Cowley, Abraham	Poet
26	Daniel, Samuel	Poet and historian
27	Davies, Sir John	Poet and lawyer
28	Dee, John	Occultist and mathematician
29	Devereux, Robert (2nd Earl of Essex)	Favorite of Elizabeth I
30	Devereux, Walter (1st Earl of Essex)	Aristocrat
31	Digges, Leonard	Poet and translator
32	Donne, John	Metaphysical poet
33	Drayton, Michael	Poet; reputedly drank with Shakespeare
34	Dyer, Sir Edward	Courtier and poet
35	Edwards, Richard	Playwright
36	Elizabeth I	Queen of England; Royal Authorship Theory
37	Ferrers, Henry	Antiquary
38	Fletcher, John	Playwright; known collaborator
39	Florio, John	Italian linguist/translator
40	Florio, Michelangelo	John Florio’s father
41	Garnet, Henry	Jesuit priest
42	Gascoigne, George	Poet and soldier
43	Greene, Robert	One of the “University Wits”
44	Greville, Sir Fulke	Poet and statesman
45	Griffin, Bartholomew	Poet
46	Hastings, William	Nobleman
47	Hathaway, Anne	Shakespeare’s Wife
48	Herbert, Mary (Countess of Pembroke)	Literary patron; First Folio dedicatee’s mother
49	Herbert, Philip (4th Earl of Pembroke)	One of the “Incomparable Paire of Brethren”
50	Herbert, William (3rd Earl of Pembroke)	Patron; candidate for “Mr. W.H.”
51	Heywood, Thomas	Prolific playwright
52	Howard, Charles (Earl of Nottingham)	Lord High Admiral
53	Howard, Henry (Earl of Surrey)	Poet; inventor of blank verse
54	Hunsdon, Lord (George Carey)	Patron of the Chamberlain’s Men
55	Infinite Monkeys	Theoretical; The Infinite Monkey Theorem
56	James I	King of England; scholar of demonology
57	Jonson, Ben	Playwright; friend and rival
58	Kyd, Thomas	Author of The Spanish Tragedy
59	Emilia Lanier	Top female candidate
60	Lyly, William	Grammarian
61	Lyly, John	Playwright (Euphuism style)
62	Manners, Roger (5th Earl of Rutland)	Aristocrat; traveled to Denmark
63	Marlowe, Christopher	Major Candidate; The Marlovian Theory
64	Marston, John	Satirist and playwright
65	Massinger, Philip	Playwright
66	Mathew, Sir Toby	MP and courtier
67	Middleton, Thomas	Playwright; Macbeth reviser
68	More, Sir Thomas	Lord Chancellor (Anachronistic)
69	Munday, Anthony	Playwright
70	Nashe, Thomas	Pamphleteer and playwright
71	Major Candidate Neville, Sir Henry	Diplomat and MP
72	North, Sir Thomas	Translator of Plutarch
73	Nugent, William (Baron Skryne)	Irish rebel and poet
74	O’Toole, Patrick	Folklore; The “Shaker O’Spear” Theory
75	Major Candidate Oxford, Earl of (Edward de Vere)	Major Candidate; The Oxfordian Theory
76	Paget, Henry (2nd Baron Paget)	Catholic exile
77	Peele, George	Dramatist
78	Percy, William	Poet
79	Pierce, William	Obscure claimant
80	Porter, Henry	Dramatist
81	Puttenham, George	Critic; author of The Arte of English Poesie
82	Raleigh, Sir Walter	Explorer, poet, courtier
83	Rowley, William	Dramatist
84	Major Candidate Sackville, Thomas (Earl of Dorset)	Co-author of Gorboduc
85	Seymour, William	Aristocrat
86	Shapleigh, Sir William	Fictional; 19th-century satire
87	Shakespeare, William	Incumbent: See Prima Facie Case, oxfraud.com
88	Shakespeare, John	Shakespeare’s father
89	Shirley, Sir Anthony	Adventurer
90	Sidney, Sir Philip	Poet and soldier
91	Smith, Wentworth	Minor dramatist (Initialed “W.S.”)
92	Southampton, Earl of (H. Wriothesley)	Dedicatee of the poems
93	Spenser, Edmund	Author of The Faerie Queene
94	Stanley, William (6th Earl of Derby)	The Derbyite Theory
95	Stuart, Arbella	Noblewoman; cousin to James I
96	Talbot, Gilbert (Earl of Shrewsbury)	Aristocrat
97	The Doctor	Fictional (Time Lord from Doctor Who)
98	The Rosicrucians	Secret Society (Group Theory)
99	Warner, William	Poet
100	Watson, Thomas	Poet
101	Webster, John	Jacobean dramatist
102	Whateley, Anne	Supposed “True” fiancée
103	Whitgift, John	Archbishop of Canterbury
104	Wil’yam Sheq’spir (Klingon)	Fictional (General Chang/Gorkon claim)
105	Wilson, Robert	Dramatist
106	Wolsey, Thomas	Cardinal (Anachronistic)
107	Wotton, Sir Henry	Diplomat
108	Zubayr bin William, Shaykh	“Sheikh al Speir” (Gaddafi Theory)